


One Day I'll Be Gone, or One Day You'll Be Gone

by AlexTheAnnus (AbsolutelyNotAlex)



Category: Unus Annus - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Can something be canon-divergent from real life?, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Music
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27153934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsolutelyNotAlex/pseuds/AlexTheAnnus
Summary: Ethan, Mark, and Amy sat at Mark’s kitchen table brainstorming new Unus Annus ideas.“The cases seem to be doing better,” said Mark, “I think if we’re cautious, we could probably do something other than fucking around at one of our houses.”“Like what?” Ethan asked.“Mark and Ethan Try Desperately to Make a Single Note of Music?” Amy suggested.Did I just use the first part of the actual work because I'm bad at summaries? Yes. Did I write this in May in the vain hope that COVID would go away? Yes. Did I see the videos where they actually went out and did things? Yes. Am I posting it anyways? You bet.I don't think I'm going to delete this when Unus Annus ends, because it wasn't really a main part of the story other than the very beginning.
Relationships: Ethan Nestor/Original Female Character(s), Ethan Nestor/Reader, Ethan Nestor/You, Mark Fischbach & Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson
Comments: 26
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

Ethan, Mark, and Amy sat at Mark’s kitchen table brainstorming new Unus Annus ideas. 

“The cases seem to be doing better,” said Mark, “I think if we’re cautious, we could probably do something other than fucking around at one of our houses.”

“Like what?” Ethan asked. 

“Mark and Ethan Try Desperately to Make a Single Note of Music?” Amy suggested.

“This might go somewhere.” Mark said. “How would we do it?”

“I have this old friend that moved out here not too long ago. She’s an awesome musician, and I’m sure she’d be willing to help out.”

“That sounds good.” Mark nodded.

“I have an idea,” Ethan said, “what if we made it special since it would be the first thing we did after being at home for so long? Like, we could do a couple of lessons and then at the end we could do some kind of concert. And it doesn’t matter if it’s bad, because it’ll be deleted.”

“I think we’re onto something.” Said Amy. “I can call her now if you want.”

The boys nodded, and Amy pulled out her phone.

They heard it ring once, and then a barely audible voice on the other end of the line.

“Hey!” Amy said. “So, I have a proposition, and it’s totally ok if you’re not comfortable doing this. So, you remember the channel I told you about, with Mark and one of our friends? Well, we were thinking about video ideas, and I suggested music lessons. We could try to find someone else if you don’t want to, but I know you know what you’re talking about so I thought I’d ask.”

There was a pause, then Amy spoke again.

“I actually have them right here, so I can put you on speaker and we can figure everything out now.” 

Amy pressed the button on her phone and said “Alright, we can all hear you now. We should probably do names.”

“I’m y/n.” Said Amy’s friend. She spoke with a Southern accent.

“I’m Mark.”

“I’m Ethan.”

“So what are y’all thinking for this video? I’m happy to do it, just let me know what you need.”

“We’re not musicians, so we don’t really know what we’re doing.” Said Ethan. “Obviously we want to learn to play some kind of music. We’ve both messed around a little with singing and we’ve played a bit of guitar, but neither one of us is very good. We were thinking maybe do a few lessons and then record something at the end.”

“Alright, that sounds doable.”

“Great!” Said Amy. “How much will that cost?”

“You don’t have to pay me. You’re a friend, and it’s not like I’m hurting for money.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn't.”

They stayed on the phone for about an hour, working out the details and the dates. At the end of the call, y/n spoke again.

“Well, I have a lesson to teach in a few minutes. I’ll see y’all in a few days.”

With that, she hung up. 

  
  


On the day of the lesson, Ethan found himself feeling nervous without knowing why. He got dressed and ate breakfast, then tried to ignore how his hand shook when he went to start his car. It wasn’t that he thought he couldn’t sing at all, and he knew that all of the internet had access to a video of him singing that  _ wouldn’t  _ be deleted in a few months. He had just never liked singing in front of people in person. He tried to put that out of his mind, and focused on driving. After swearing at a few people in traffic, he arrived at y/n’s house where they had agreed to meet. Just as he shut his car door, Mark and Amy showed up. They unloaded all the video equipment and walked up to the door of the house. Ethan knocked, then stepped back. A few seconds later, the door swung open and they were greeted by a woman wearing a white shirt tucked into a short black skirt. She had h/l h/c hair, and e/c eyes that held a glint of mischief. 

“Hey y’all!” She said, smiling. “I’m y/n. Why don’t you come in?” She opened the door wider, and they followed her into the living room. 

Ethan had to stop and marvel at his surroundings. There were instruments everywhere. A piano sat in one corner of the room, and guitars and other stringed instruments hung on the walls. He didn’t even know the names of all of them. 

“So, which one of you is Mark and which one is Ethan?” She asked. 

“My- I’m… I’m Ethan.” He stammered. Mark raised an eyebrow at him, then shared a look with Amy.    
“So that makes you Mark.” She said, pointing. 

“The one and only.” Mark grinned. 

They got everything set up and ready, then started recording. 

“Music,” said Mark, “it’s been around since the ancient times. And today, we’re here joined by the wonderful y/n, who is going to teach us how to play music.”

Y/n waved at the camera.

Ethan cut in. “Also, can I just say that we are in the most awesome house ever. Look at how fucking cool this room is!”

“So, y/n,” Mark continued, “how are we going to do this?”

“Well, you said you both have some experience with singing, so we’re going to start there. Just a line or two of something so I can get a feel for your voices. Who wants to go first?”

“I will.” Volunteered Mark. 

He took a breath, and sang about fifteen seconds of Thinking Out Loud. 

“That was good.” She said.

“There’s a but coming.” 

“You’re right.”

Ethan laughed.

“It was good, but I think you’re trying to push too much air when you sing. You seem to have a pretty good sense of pitch, and your voice is good, you just need to focus on not attacking the notes as harshly. I think part of it is the fact that you used to play a wind instrument. Just work on that, and you’ll be good to go. Ethan, let’s see what you’ve got.”

Ethan took a breath. “Sorry, I’m just kinda nervous.”

Mark’s head whipped towards him. “Wha- you have willingly recorded videos of you singing that millions of people have access to, and you’re nervous in front of three people?!” 

Ethan shrugged.

“Hey,” said y/n, “it’s fine. Just try to take a breath and go. Don’t think about it.” 

Ethan steeled himself, took a deep breath, and sang a few lines of You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me. As he finished, he prepared for a criticism.

“That was really good! You could be a little louder, actually.”

“That’s it?” He asked. 

She nodded. “I think now you can pick your instruments.”

Amy piped up from behind the camera. “Just as a side note, how many instruments do you play?”

“Well I started on piano, violin is another one, a few different types of guitar, ukulele, and some more odd stuff like banjo and mandolin. I can also play clarinet, trumpet, and flute.”

“So what are we gonna play?” Asked Ethan. 

“Well, I could let you pick, but I do have suggestions if you want.”

“Let’s let her pick.” Said Mark. “She knows what she’s doing.”

“Ok. Mark, I know you mentioned playing a little guitar, but I want you to try something different, so I’m going to have you go sit at the piano over there. Ethan, you said that some of the songs you’ve sung before, people have been playing piano, or you’ve played ukulele. I think I want you to try an acoustic guitar. I’ll give you both a few basic things to get a feel for what you’re playing, and then we can decide what song you’re going to record and start work on that.”

“I have a question.” Mark raised his hand.

“Shoot.”

“Can music help you connect to something bigger than yourself? Like is there a song that would help us become more comfortable with the inevitability of death?”

Y/n laughed. “Well, I’ve always said music is like cheap therapy. I don’t know if it connects you to a higher power, but it can definitely connect you to yourself. As far as the inevitability of death, I guess that depends on how you interpret songs, but there is one that comes to mind for me. Would you like me to play it for you?”

Ethan and Mark nodded enthusiastically. 

She walked across the room and pulled a black acoustic guitar down off of the wall, then sat down on the couch. Amy moved closer with the camera.

“This is actually a love song, even though it’s about how everything ends.” She started to play, and as he watched her hands he noticed that her nails were painted red. She took a breath and started to sing. 

“ It's not the long, flowing dress that you're in

Or the light coming off of your skin

The fragile heart you protected for so long

Or the mercy in your sense of right and wrong

It's not your hands searching slow in the dark

Or your nails leaving love's watermark

It's not the way you talk me off the roof

Your questions like directions to the truth

It's knowing that this can't go on forever

Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone

Maybe we'll get forty years together

But one day I'll be gone

Or one day you'll be gone

If we were vampires and death was a joke

We'd go out on the sidewalk and smoke

Laugh at all the lovers and their plans

I wouldn't feel the need to hold your hand

Maybe time running out is a gift

I'll work hard 'til the end of my shift

And give you every second I can find

And hope it isn't me who's left behind

It's knowing that this can't go on forever

Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone

Maybe we'll get forty years together

But one day I'll be gone

Or one day you'll be gone

It's knowing that this can't go on forever

Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone

Maybe we'll get forty years together

But one day I'll be gone

Or one day you'll be gone .”

By the end of the song, Ethan was so mesmerized that he didn’t realize what was going on until Mark started clapping. Amy hadn’t been kidding when she’d said this girl knew what she was talking about. She made it look effortless. Ethan joined Mark with the applause. She stood and sketched a dramatic bow, then hung the guitar back on the wall. 

“Ok,” said Ethan, “that was awesome.”

“Thank you! Do you want to start now?” 

“Sure.” He said. 

“Alright. Mark, your instrument is physically easier to play, and you already know how to read music, so I’ll work with you first, then you can practice while I help Ethan.”

Mark sat down on the piano bench, and y/n stood behind him. While she instructed him, Amy waved Ethan over. 

“Are you okay? You’ve been kinda quiet and stutter-y. And your face is all red.”

“Huh? W-what face? I’s not red.”

Amy raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing else. 

By the time Ethan had stopped blushing, y/n had finished helping Mark and turned to him. 

She gestured to the walls of the room. “Alright, pick which one you want to play.” 

“What?”

“They’re all guitars. Just pick one to play.” 

“Which one’s your favorite?”

She turned around and took down a plain guitar that wasn’t as shiny as the others with a few scratches on the top, then got down the same black one from earlier.

“This one is made like guitars from the thirties. Let’s go into this other room where you can hear yourself over Mark.”

She handed him the guitar and led him into a room across the hall. Amy followed with the camera. He sat down, and she sat across from him. They worked for a while, with her going to help Mark every so often, and by the end of the day they had made decent progress. 

That night, they sat at Mark’s house eating dinner that they had ordered. 

“So, what was up with you today?” Mark asked. 

“Dude!” Exclaimed Amy. “I said the same thing!”

“You were quiet for once. What were you nervous about? Y/n said you were good.”   
At the mention of her name, Ethan blushed again and Mark grinned wickedly.

“You are  _ whipped,  _ man.” He said.

Amy lit up. “Oh my god you’re right! I can’t believe I didn’t notice it!”

Ethan let his head fall onto the table. “I hate you both.” 

A/N: The song in this chapter is a real song and also what I titled the work after, because I couldn't be bothered. It's called If We Were Vampires by Jason Isbell. 


	2. Chapter 2

Before Ethan knew it, their second lesson was upon them. They had chosen the songs they would record with y/n’s help. Ethan had picked Castle On a Hill, and Mark had picked Something by the Beatles. They decided to take one car to the second lesson, that way only one of them would have to actually  _ drive  _ in L.A. traffic. 

“God, I’m nervous.” Said Ethan.

“Why? Other than your unending - what the fuck are you doing? Pick a fucking lane, asshole! Sorry, other than your unending love.”

“I am not in  _ love.  _ And it’s not that this time! She said she was gonna make us sing again this time.”

“What have you got to worry about? She said you were good!”

“Yeah, I just don’t want to look like an idiot.”

“Well, you always do that.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Any time.”

They made it safely to y/n’s house, and she was as welcoming as she had been the first time. They all knew the drill now, so they got everything set and started rolling fairly quickly. Once again, Ethan and Mark were set up in separate rooms, and she would go back and forth between them while Amy filmed whatever was most interesting. 

At one point when Amy was with Mark, y/n plopped down across from him.

“Alright,” she said “let’s hear you sing.” 

“What?” Asked Ethan.

“You’ve got the chords, it looks like you could do them in your sleep. Now put those together with the words.”

He hesitated.

“Ok, I’m going to tell you something, and you’re going to hear me. Bob Dylan is worth two hundred million dollars, and he can’t sing worth a damn. He’s an awesome musician, but he can’t sing. You can sing.”

Ethan blushed, thankful that Amy wasn’t filming this. “O- Okay.”

He took a deep breath, and ran through the whole song, overly conscious of his hands and his voice. When he was finished, he fidgeted with the guitar pick while he waited for the verdict.

“Good. Now mean it.”

“What?”

“It sounds good. You can hit the notes, and you can play it well. But it sounds like you’re just reciting it. Mean it. Close your eyes, move around, show us that you’re not playing it just to play.”

“Okay.”

“Now, once more with feeling.”

At the end of the second run-through, y/n clapped. 

“That’s it! Just do that next week, and you’ll be good.”

Ethan blushed again, but before he could say anything, y/n stood and went to help Mark. 

By the end of the lesson, they had progressed enough that they decided they would record first thing the next lesson and finish early, which Ethan was slightly disappointed about, not that he would admit it. 

Once they got out to the car, he let his head fall back against the headrest.

“Dammit.” He sighed.

“What?” Asked Mark.

“I think I’m gonna have to ask her out. That way even if she rejects me, I’ll know I’ve got no shot and I can just get over myself.”

“I say go for it.” Said Amy. 

“Ok. I’m gonna do it.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” said Mark, “now that you’ve said it you can’t back out.”

“I know, I’m gonna do it.”

Now all he had to do was wait. 

On the day of recording, Ethan fully understood the feeling of butterflies, because he felt like he was actively digesting about a metric ton of them. Mark seemed to sense his nerves when he got in the car, and thankfully he laid off Ethan for the duration of the car ride. When they got to y/n’s house, she led them into a spare room which she’d converted into a studio. The floor was covered in rugs, and more hung alongside tapestries on the walls, none of which really matched. There was a keyboard, and the guitar Ethan had been playing was already on a stand in the corner. 

Mark, who had decided that he was going first, sat down at the keyboard and warmed up while Amy adjusted the camera. Once she gave him the all-clear, he started to play, and it took him three takes, then it was Ethan’s turn. 

He sat down and adjusted the guitar, and y/n gave him a small smile from behind the camera. Thinking of what she had told him, he closed his eyes and started to play. As the last note faded from the air, y/n smiled again. 

“That was it!” She said.

“I don’t need to do another take?” He asked.

“I guess you could, but you don’t really need to.” 

As they filmed the outro to the video, Ethan felt like he was glowing. After they finished, Mark and Amy loaded everything into the car and vanished downstairs, giving Ethan a good chance to talk to y/n. Before he could back out, he spoke up.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“So, this might not be a good time with the whole COVID thing, and I’m not expecting you to say yes at all, but I just wanted to say that I really like you. And... and I was going to ask if you wanted to come over to my house and I could cook dinner, or we could watch a movie- you can’t exactly take someone on a date during a pandemic- but I just thought I would-”

He finally stopped rambling when she put her hands on his shoulders and said “Yes.”

“What?”

“You heard me. My brake pads need replacing and I haven’t bothered to do it yet, but if you want you can come over tomorrow evening. My last lesson ends at five, so you can drop by any time after that.”

“O- Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at five thirty?”

She smiled. 

Mark and Amy were waiting in the car when Ethan finally left. He jumped off the last step and clicked his heels together. When he got in the car, Mark gave him a high-five.

“Nice job dude.”

“Ditto.” Said Amy. 

For the rest of the drive home, Ethan was looking forward to five thirty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who read the first chapter and/or gave feedback. So far the story is in a 29 page long Google doc, so, more to come soon.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Ethan could barely focus. He supposed it was good that all he had to do was some light editing and a short recording session, because otherwise it would have taken him all day to get everything done. When he pulled into y/n’s driveway, there was someone standing on her doorstep. It was well after the end of her last lesson, so he was confused. As he got closer to the house he heard her voice. 

“Shep, what the  _ fuck  _ are you doing here?” It was the first time he had heard her cuss, and she sounded livid.

The man on the doorstep responded teasingly. “Come on, Sunny. I’m allowed to visit you, ain’t I?”

By then, Ethan was a few feet behind the man, who turned around.

“Who’s this?” Shep asked.

“Ethan, get in the house.” Y/n never looked away from the other man, and her eyes held unbridled hatred. He slipped inside past her, but stayed close by. 

“Who is he, Sunny?” Shep taunted.

“Matthew Shepherd Carmichael, you best turn around and walk away if you know what’s good for you.” Y/n was tense in front of him.

“Easy, Baby Sis, I just wanted to check up on you. Darlene said you called last week. I woulda liked to talk to you. You know we were all so worried after you up and left John-Luke. The poor bastard’s drinking Jim and Jack like it’s water. And Mama’s been in her room with the vapors with only me and Daddy to help her.”

“Yeah, because you and Daddy have always been  _ so helpful. _ ”

“Oh, ye of little faith. Lighten up, Baby Sis. Ain’t you gonna invite me in for supper?”

“No. You’re not welcome in this house. Now here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna buy you a plane ticket, one way, and you’re gonna use it to go home.”

“Oh, right. You could afford to pick up and buy a house in Los Angeles, so of course you can afford a plane ticket.”

“If you’re still bitter about that, it’s Daddy you need to be talking to, not me. Go home, Shep.”

Seemingly sensing Ethan’s confusion, a malicious smile spread across Shep’s face.

“What is it, Stringbean? Sunny ain’t told you?” 

Ethan stayed silent.

“Well, let me make this more clear. My Baby Sis here is Smoky Mountain royalty. And so am I.”   
Ethan saw y/n shift, then she spoke again. 

“So, does Darlene know you’re using again? Which one is it this time, heroin or hydrocodone?”

Shep went deadly still, then, before anyone could react, he rared back and slapped y/n across the face. Much to Ethan’s surprise, she smiled, then lunged at Shep. Somehow, within fifteen seconds, she had him on the ground in a half-nelson. She whispered something to him that Ethan didn’t catch, then let go. She stood and watched him until he walked away and climbed into a truck parked in front of the house across the street. As soon as he was gone, she rushed inside and stood in front of Ethan. 

“I am so sorry, Ethan. I swear I had no idea he was gonna be here, that bastard. I know you’re probably confused, because my history  _ is  _ complicated, and if you want, you can leave, go home, and not have to deal with any of it. Or, I’ll make us something to eat, and I’ll explain everything, then you can decide if you really want to do this with me. Just let me know what you want to do.”

Ethan thought for a moment, then said, “What’s for dinner?”

The smile she gave him lit the room.

Ethan leaned against the counter as y/n stirred a boiling pot of spaghetti. 

“I don’t really know a good way to explain this, so I’ll start at the beginning. Shep was my older brother, and we had a younger sister named Diane. Shep was exaggerating some, but he wasn’t totally wrong about us being ‘Smoky Mountain royalty.’ Our family lives comfortably to say the least. Shep was always the wildest, and when he was about sixteen, he started taking drugs. One day, Diane wanted to go somewhere, and he decided to drive her, even though he was high out of his mind. They got in a wreck, and she died. All the children were supposed to get an inheritance when we turned eighteen, but Diane was gone and they practically disowned Shep, so I ended up getting both their shares even though I begged my parents not to. Then, fast forward a few years. Shep had married a woman named Darlene. He’d do exactly what he did today, show up on my front porch high. Most of the time he wanted me to lie to his wife to cover for him, but I never did it. Then, when I turned twenty, I got engaged because I thought I was in love, but the night before the wedding I found out that he was the type of boy who hits his Mama. When I saw him do it, I knew that wasn’t a situation I was going to put myself in, and there was nothing else for me in that town, so I left. At first I didn’t really know where I was going. I just drove. Eventually I ended up here, and since it’s about as far away from home as I could get without getting on a plane, I decided to stay. And that’s how we get to now.”

By the time she was done talking, the spaghetti was finished and she was ladeling it into two bowls. She set the bowls down on the table then looked to Ethan, as if she was waiting for him to answer. 

“I don’t really know what to say to that other than I’m sorry, and it makes me see you as a strong person with a complicated family life who I’m still interested in dating.

She hugged him, and when he wrapped his arms around her, he felt her relax. 

“We should eat.” She said, sitting down at one of the kitchen chairs. 

Ethan took a bite. “Oh my god.” 

“What?” Y/n asked.

“This is fucking amazing.”

“Well, there’s more in the pot for when you finish that bowl.”

They ate in relative silence, only because Ethan was too busy eating to talk. After they finished, y/n looked at Ethan.

“You like dogs, right?” She asked.

“I love dogs. Why?”

“Wait here.”

She went up the stairs, he heard her make cooing noises at something, and when she came back there was a chocolate lab puppy trailing after her. 

“Her name is Georgia. I figured we could take her for a walk around the neighborhood.”

When the dog heard her name, she cocked her head, which made Ethan laugh. Y/n put on a pair of shoes, then hooked a leash to Georgia’s collar and started towards the door. He followed her outside, and as they came down the driveway they saw one of the next door neighbors watering his lawn. 

Y/n waved. “Hi Mr. George!”

The man waved back. “Hey y/n.”

“You’re so nice,” observed Ethan, “it’s like you’re friends with everyone. When we started shooting the video on like day two I already felt like I’d known you forever.”

“You’re not the first person to tell me that. I guess I’ve been that way since I was little. Actually, it’s why Shep kept calling me ‘Sunny.’ It’s what most people call me. I don’t know if you noticed, but Amy did it a couple times too.” 

“How did you meet Amy?” He asked.

“I met her at a little coffee shop when I was in college.”

“What did you go for?”

“Well I went twice. The first time it didn’t take, and the second time was when I ran around the country after the whole broken engagement deal. I had the money to live off of and nothing else to do, so I ended up graduating in two years. My degree is in music therapy. I like teaching lessons and playing gigs, but if I ever grow up and want a semi-normal job, I’ll at least have that to go to. I don’t need to work for money right now, and I did try the not working thing for about two weeks.”

“Why did you start teaching lessons?”   
“I ran out of things to clean. Now it’s my turn. Where are you from?”

“Maine.”

“Shit, dude.” 

“What?”

“Maine is  _ cold.  _ Thinking about it just makes me shiver.”   
“You’ve been?” 

“Yeah. Granted, I was finishing a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail when I was there. Have you ever been backpacking?”

“No, I was a gymnastics kid.”

“Oh, that’s really cool! Can you do a flip?”

“Yes, I can do a flip.”

She looked at him expectantly.

“Do you want me to do a flip?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.” Ethan took a breath and did a standing back tuck.

“That’s awesome.” Said y/n. 

Ethan gave a sarcastic bow, then went back to walking, this time on her left side, where Georgia was.

“You can’t stand on that side.” She said.

He switched to stand on her right. “Why?”

She gestured to her left ear. “Can’t hear.”

“What happened?”

“I’ve always had migraines which probably don’t help, then one time when I was about 17, Shep and me got into it. He hit me across the side of the head, and it’s been off ever since.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes until the sky started to turn pink. 

“We ought to head back before it gets dark.”

“Yeah… I should probably go home.” 

They walked back up the driveway, but she grabbed Ethan’s wrist before he got in his car. He turned around, and before he could process it she gave him a quick kiss. 

“Goodnight.” She said, smiling.

Hell yes it was.    



	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Ethan was on cloud nine. They were filming another Unus Annus video, and when they finished they decided to have lunch together. 

“How was your date?” Asked Amy. 

“Oh my god, it was awesome! She’s like the coolest person ever. She’s so nice and she’s done so many different things and while I was there, I was able to actually focus on stuff for some reason. It was great.” 

As if on cue, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out, and it was a text from y/n asking if he wanted to come over and watch a movie that evening. He texted back saying he’d be there at six, and Mark and Amy shared a look.

“Well, good for you man.” Said Mark. 

Ethan was too busy texting to respond.

At three that afternoon, Ethan’s phone buzzed again. 

_ Sunny: Hey I feel rlly weird, can we do movie night tomorrow? _

Ethan: Sure but are u ok?

_ Sunny: Idk, just feel off _

Ethan: Do u have anyone else you can call if something happens?

Ethan watched the dreaded three dots appear and disappear twice before he texted again.

Ethan: Ok I’m gonna come over there

As quick as he could, he set a pre-recorded video to automatically release the next day, and grabbed a set of clothes before going out to his car. He managed to only swear at a few people while he was driving, and when he pulled into her driveway he ran up to the door. He knocked, but got no answer. He knocked again, then put his ear up to the door. Suddenly he heard something that sounded like a scream. Panicking, he looked around for a spare key, which by some miracle, was under the doormat. When he opened the door, he heard violent sobs. He took the stairs two at a time, and when he got upstairs he saw y/n lying in the hallway with her eyes closed and her hands over her ears. She was writhing in pain.

She screamed again. “  
_  
Mama, help me!”   
_  
she cried. 

Ethan knelt beside her and gently put a hand on her leg. 

“Hey,” he whispered, “it’s me, Ethan. Do I need to call nine-one-one?”

“N- no.”

“Is this a migraine?”

“Y- yes.  _ Ah, oh god.” _

“Alright, I’m gonna pick you up.”

As smoothly and gently as he could, he picked her up and carried her into a room with the door open that turned out to be her room. He set her down on the bed, then jerked the curtains closed and turned off the lights. 

Returning to the side of the bed, he asked “Is there anything I can get you?”   
Between waves of sobs, she pointed to a door and said, “Meds.”

He went through the door into the bathroom, and rifled through the medicine cabinet until he found a bottle that said ‘take one tablet every eight hours for migraines.’

“I’m going to go get you some water to take with this.” He said.

“No,” she sobbed, “give now.” 

He put one in her hand, and she swallowed it dry. He sat next to her on the other side of the bed, unsure of what to do. Suddenly another wave of pain hit her. Ethan reached out a hand and she took it, squeezing. Before they’d broken up, Mika had migraines, but never like this. They stayed like that for a while, and eventually he could tell the pain had mostly subsided. 

“You can go home, if you want.” She said. “You don’t have to stay here with me.”

“I know I can, but I’m not going to. I have a change of clothes in my car, which I’m going to go get, and then I’m staying here for tonight until I know you’ll be okay. Especially since you apparently don’t have anyone else to call.”

Quickly, Ethan brought in the extra clothes then sat back down on the bed. 

“You need to eat something, so I’m going to go downstairs and figure out some kind of food.” he said.

He rummaged through the cabinets and they ended up eating pasta, since it was quick and simple. When he returned from washing the dishes, he could tell that y/n was getting tired, likely from the medicine. As he turned to go back downstairs, she spoke.

“Where are you going?” She asked.

“I was going to go sleep on the couch.” He said.

“Can you just stay here?” 

His heart broke at the pleading in her voice. 

“Of course.” He climbed under the covers and laid on his back, trying to give her space if she wanted it.

Ethan felt himself blush when she slid over and put her head on his chest. He was sure she could feel his heart racing, but she didn’t seem to mind. After a while, he relaxed and put one arm around her. He hardly slept that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who suffers from intense migraines, I can say that what is written above is 100% not an exaggeration. Triptans are a magical thing.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Ethan woke up before y/n. She had shifted while she slept, so Ethan had become somewhat of a human teddy bear. He reached around and gently shook her shoulder. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

“Hey,” he said softly, “how are you feeling?”

“A little tired, but better. I might be a little weak today. You can go if you have work to do.”

“I already have a video scheduled to upload on it’s own, it’s Mark’s day to deal with Unus Annus, and everything else will wait until tomorrow.”

“Thank you. For doing all this, I mean. I would’ve been fine eventually, but having you here made it a little more bearable.”

“Since you’re coherent now, is there anything I should know for next time?”

“I haven’t had one that bad in about two years. Usually I can deal with it myself when it feels like a normal headache before it gets out of control. What I took yesterday was Imitrex. If heaven forbid I get another one that bad, you can give me Benadryl with it. I’ve had them last up to seventy-two hours. If it lasts more than twenty-four hours, then I need to go to the hospital. If that happens, they’ll give me a cocktail of three things in an IV, and the pain will stop in an hour. After that, I’ll just be tired. The good thing is that I’ve only had to go to the emergency room three times.”

“I feel like this is a good time to mention that a single peanut can kill me. I always carry EpiPens though, so I should be good.”

“Neat.”

“We need breakfast.”   
“If you help me get downstairs I can make omelets.”

“I will help you down the stairs, but you’re not cooking.”

“You are in my house, you know.” 

“Yes, but I also carried you to bed yesterday and held your hand while you literally screamed in pain. You’re not cooking.”

“Oh, if you insist.”

Ethan went into the bathroom to change, and when he came out she was wearing sweatpants, a Metallica shirt, and fluffy purple socks. He noticed that she was resting her weight against the bed. 

“Here,” he said, “put your arm over my shoulders.” 

She did, and they made their way down to the kitchen. She sat in a chair while Ethan opened various cabinets and drawers looking for a bowl. 

“Bowls are in the second cabinet to the left.” Y/n said. “At least let me help.”

“Nope. Do you have any chocolate chips?”

“For what?”

“I’m making pancakes.”

“They’re in the pantry.”

Ethan set the bag of chocolate chips on the counter, then started making the batter.

“What are you planning on doing?”

“I don’t know. I had the sense to cancel all of my lessons for today, so I don’t really have anything to do.”

“Well, I vote we eat breakfast, then watch movies all day.”

“That sounds like a good plan.” 

By that point, Ethan had finished making the batter, and he was pouring it into the pan. 

“You know,” he said, “Mark and I made breakfast using sex toys once. For the channel.”

That startled a laugh out of her. “Did it work?”

“Yeah, it worked. The best part was when a neighbor came to the door and saw me feeding Mark through a ring gag with a paddle.

She laughed harder, and he slid the first pancake onto a plate, which he set in front of her. After they ate, they went back upstairs to her room, and she logged into Netflix on her laptop.

After a discussion about what to watch, y/n let slip that she’d never seen The Aristocats.

“ _ How _ have you never seen The Aristocats?”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Ok, we have to watch it.” 

He pulled up the movie on Netflix, pressed play, then leaned back against the headboard. After the movie was over, he stood and went downstairs to get drinks and snacks. As he did, he noticed all the pictures she had around the house. There were four sitting on the mantle that he stopped to look at closer. In the first, she looked young. She was sitting on the edge of a seemingly very precarious cliff, and looking over her shoulder at the camera with a smile. In the second, she looked more like how he knew her. She was at the top of a snow-covered mountain, and Ethan had to laugh because she was wearing running shorts and a tank top. In the third, she stood in a desert by a stone a little taller than she was bearing the words ‘Southern Point.” She wasn’t in the fourth picture, but it looked like water. 

When Ethan returned with the food and drinks, he asked about it.

“Hey, what are those pictures on your mantle?”

“Oh, you saw those. Well, the blue one was inside the barrel of a wave, from when I spent a few weeks in Santa Cruz a while back. The other three are from the Triple Crown trails. The first one I did was the Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine after I graduated high school. That was McAfee Knob in Virginia. The one with all the snow was when I did the Pacific Crest Trail from southern California to Washington, and that picture was taken on top of Mount Whitney in the Sierra Nevadas. The snow was awful that year, but it was sunny and it reflected on the snow, so we all wore shorts. The one in the desert was the start of the Continental Divide Trail from New Mexico to Montana. They have some of the worst storms out there.”

“How long did it take to do all those?”

“Three months for the Appalachian Trail, four for each of the other two.”

“That’s so cool.”

“I actually recorded a lot of it, just to have documentation.”

“You should make a YouTube channel and post it. It seems like you do enough stuff to have interesting content even now.”

“Look at you, full of good ideas. Maybe I will.”

“Let’s pick another movie.”

“What about Life of Brian?”

“Ok.”

A few movies and one pot of boxed macaroni and cheese later, it was time for Ethan to go back home. He stood hesitantly at the door. 

“I’m going to go home. I don’t know if I can come over tomorrow, but I’ll try to at least call you.”

“Ethan, I will be fine. I’ve dealt with migraines worse than this on my own, and I’ll be back to normal tomorrow. You can go. And thank you.” She smiled.

Ethan kissed her on the cheek and left. He dreamt about four picture frames on a mantle.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day started off normal. He did a short recording session, then worked on some editing. When he went into the kitchen to make himself some lunch, his phone rang. When he picked up, it was Mark.

“Hey, what happened yesterday?” Mark asked.

“What?”

“That video looked pre-recorded. Are you good?”

“Yeah. Y/n texted me the other day saying she felt weird, so I set that video up, and when I got there she was having a really bad migraine, so I stayed with her for that.”

“She feeling better?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. Have you checked Twitter today?”

“Not yet, why?”

“I was just asking.”   
They sat on the phone in silence for another minute, then Mark spoke again.

“Well, I just wanted to make sure you were good, so I’m gonna go now.” With that, he hung up.

As soon as they were off the phone, Ethan opened Twitter. When he did, he saw he had way more notifications than he normally did. Nearly all of them were just links to a video. More than a little curious, he clicked on the video. When it loaded, y/n’s face popped up on the screen. 

“Hi,” she said, waving at the camera, “my name’s y/n and I play music. A few weeks ago, I did a video with Mark and Ethan from Unus Annus where I taught them each how to play an instrument. Since then, I’ve kept in contact with both of the boys, and one of them suggested that I start a Youtube channel. So Ethan, if you’re watching this, and it’s bad, it’s your fault. If you saw the video on their channel, you’ll remember this song. Anyways, here we go.”

She took a breath, then started playing the same song she’d played for him and Mark. Ethan had a stupid grin on his face the whole time. When she was done, she gave the camera a small smile, and the video ended. 

He texted Mark the link.

Ethan: You knew about this?

_ Mark: I just asked if you’d checked twitter :) _

Throughout the rest of the day, Ethan caught himself smiling like an idiot at random points. At the end of the day when he was done with work, he texted y/n. 

Ethan: I saw the video :)

_ Sunny: What did you think? _

Ethan: It was great!!

_ Sunny: :) _

_ Sunny: Also guess who finally fixed her brake pads? _

Ethan: Nice

_ Sunny: Whens your next couple days off? _

Ethan: I have to do a video with Mark tomorrow but i have the weekend off

_ Sunny: How do you feel about camping _

Ethan: Why?

_ Sunny: Bc I was planning to go on my own but now I have you who I can drag along. I have extra gear just wear thick shoes _

Ethan: Ok, see u saturday

On Saturday morning, Ethan woke up at five in the morning. He groggily pulled on his clothes, then grabbed an extra set and put on his shoes. Just as he finished tying his shoes, he heard a knock on the door. When he opened it, y/n was waiting with two backpacks. She handed him one. 

“Put your other clothes in here.”

He did, and they walked outside. An old-looking red truck was idling on the side of the road. When he got in, he saw the three pedals on the driver’s side. 

“You drive stick?”

“Yep. Three on the tree.”

“Nice.” 

They drove for a while, and when they finally stopped and got out, they were in a small town in the desert. The sun was only just starting to come up. Once he was done stretching his legs, she handed him his backpack. He put it on.

“Dear god, that’s heavy!”

She walked over to stand in front of him and started adjusting various straps and loops. By the time she was done, it felt lighter. She looked up at him and met his eyes.

“Better?” She asked.

He nodded. 

She kissed him, then put on her own backpack and started walking. He followed.

“We just need to walk about half a mile down this road, and that’s where the trail starts. This is actually part of the trail with the mountains from the picture.”

“Did you do it by yourself?”

“Not all of it. I started out on my own, but a few days in I caught up with these two brothers, Snake-Man and Rooster. Sometimes I’d go ahead, but we did most of the trail together.”

_ “What?”  _

“Those were their trail names.”

“What was your trail name? Was yours Sunny?”

“No, actually. I was Madonna.”

“Why?” 

“When I was eighteen and I did the Appalachian Trail, this one place we stayed at had a guitar, and when everybody found out I could play and sing, they started calling me Madonna.”

“What did you do when you were by yourself?”

“Most of the time I’d just listen to music, but if I got real bored I’d sing out loud or I’d talk to myself. I’m sure anybody I passed thought I was crazy.”

Ethan laughed. 

After a few minutes of quiet, she stopped.

“Ok, the trail starts here. You ready?” 

“Sure.”

They stepped off the shoulder of the road and into the desert. 

“Come walk up here closer to me where I can see what you’re doing.”

He sped up where he was walking next to her.

“How can you just do this?” 

“You’re walking like you normally do. You need to make your strides longer. If you take bigger steps, you can take less steps and your balance changes.” 

“What?”

“Watch my feet and try to match my steps.”

He did, and after a couple of minutes he felt it getting easier to walk. They hiked for a few more minutes, then y/n stopped. 

“Alright, it’s been half an hour. How do you feel?”

“I feel fine.”

“Good, ‘cause we’ve got nine more miles to go today. There’s a bottle of water in the left side pocket of your pack, you need to drink something. You can sit down if you need to, but not for more than five minutes.”

They took a short break, then kept walking. They stopped a few hours later for lunch, and then again towards the end of the day.

“Alright,” said y/n, “get off the trail and find you a good spot of ground.” 

“Why? What are we doing?”

“We’re cowboy camping. It’ll be clear tonight, so there’s no point pitching a tent.”

She set her pack down and started pulling things out. 

“Open up that zipper there. That’s where your stuff is.”

It took him a few minutes to get his sleeping pad set up, and by that point y/n already had a small pot of water boiling. They had ramen for dinner, and as they ate, she pointed her finger.

“When it gets darker, you can see Hollywood from here.” 

They finished eating in silence, and as the sky darkened he was able to see the cluster of lights that was LA. Eventually they climbed into their sleeping bags.

“Thanks for bringing me out here.” He said, but she was already asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of 3:00 AM, EST, Unus Annus no longer exists. Holy shit. I was able to watch the last ten or so hours of the livestream last night, and it was so good. I think when 3:00 PM to day rolls around, it will really hit me that it's gone, and that this is the first day in a year that there won't be an Unus Annus video up for me to watch then. Initially I wasn't going to post this chapter today, because I felt like it was too happy for the day the channel died, but now I know that there is no reason not to be happy because this is what Mark and Ethan wanted. Mark, Ethan, and Amy were all smiling when they pressed the delete button on the channel. I don't really know where I was going with this, so I'm just going to leave it here, but I think I can speak for a lot of the fans when I say that I am so excited to see what happens next for both Mark and Ethan. If you're reading this, thank you and of course, Memento Mori.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Ethan woke up to being shaken. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on, darlin’. You gotta get up.” 

“Darlin’?” He questioned groggily.

Y/n ignored him. “You sleep like the dead, you know that?”

He forced his eyes open, and he saw y/n kneeling next to him. She had changed, and all her things were packed up. 

“If you get up now, we should be able to make it to town by a little after noon.”

Reluctantly, he sat up. 

“There you go. I’ll pack up your stuff if you wanna change your clothes and have a protein bar.”

He followed her instructions, and about five minutes later they were back on the trail. Y/n’s prediction was correct, and a few hours later, they came to a road. 

“Alright, you made it.” She said.

“How do we get back?” He asked.

“We hitchhike.”   
“Wait, isn’t that dangerous?”

“Not as much as you think. People are more likely to pick up a man and a woman together, plus I’m carrying a neck knife in case things go tits-up.”

“Okay.”

She stuck her thumb out, and they paced up and down one stretch of road for a few minutes before an older woman pulled over. Y/n whispered in his ear on the way to the car.

“You need to sit directly behind her, that way it will make you harder to reach. Don’t put on your seatbelt until after she and I do, and make sure to thank her.”

They climbed into the back of the woman’s car, and y/n told her where they were going. At the end of the ride, they thanked her and y/n offered her five dollars for the trouble, which she wouldn’t accept. 

When they got into the truck, y/n drove them towards the center of the little town instead of back home.

“Where are we going?” He asked.

“You just hiked sixteen miles. We’re going to get real food that you can’t cook in a pot of boiling water.” 

She parked in front of a small building that said ‘Giorgio’s’ in faded red letters on the sign over the door. 

“How much pizza could you eat right now?” She asked.

“I think I could eat a whole one.” He said.

“Okay.” 

They walked inside, and there was an older Italian man behind the counter. When he saw y/n his face lit up, and he started speaking rapidly in Italian. Much to Ethan’s surprise, y/n walked up to the counter, shook his hand, and said something right back. She gestured vaguely in Ethan’s direction and kept talking. The man nodded, and eventually she walked back over to Ethan and led him to a table.

“I am so confused about what just happened.”

Y/n smiled. “That was Giorgio. We came to this place once when I did the whole trail, and he sat down and talked to us for a while. This is a good section of trail, so I’ve come back every time I’ve hiked here.”

“And you just happen to be able to speak Italian?”

“And Spanish.”

“Have I mentioned that you’re like the coolest person I know?”

She laughed, and at that moment Giorgio walked over holding a pizza that was approximately the size of Arthur’s round table. He set it down, and y/n said something in Italian that Ethan guessed meant ‘thank you.’ 

“How are we going to eat all this?” He asked.

“With our mouths.” She grabbed a slice and took a bite, and he followed suit.

Somehow they did manage to eat the whole thing. 

“That was so good.” Said Ethan.

“It’s even better after walking thirty miles. When I came here with Rooster and Snake-Man, we ate four pizzas between the three of us.”

“Holy shit.” 

“You ready to hit the road?”

“Yeah.”

They walked back up to the counter, and she asked something in Italian. He responded, shaking his head, and they went back and forth a few times before he spoke in accented English.

“For you, it is free.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” She said. 

He smiled and went back into the kitchen. As soon as he turned his back, y/n put a twenty in the tip jar, and they left. Once they were back on the road, he spoke again.

“Thank you for bringing me out here, by the way. I don’t think I said that yet, but it’s been really nice.”

“Thanks for coming.” After a few minutes she asked, “Do you know how to drive stick?”

“Yeah, I love it.”   
“Do you want to drive this?”

“Sure.”

She pulled over. “Just a warning, everything on this vehicle is manual. Manual brakes, no power steering, all that.”

They switched places and Ethan pulled back onto the road.

“Man, this is weird.”   
“Yup. Parking lots are a bitch in this thing, but most people can’t drive well enough to steal it, so that’s something.”

He laughed, and after a while he had a feel for things. The trip home seemed to end all too soon, and before he knew it they were standing outside his apartment door. After she kissed him goodbye, it took him longer than it should have to realize that he was still standing outside of the closed door. As he fumbled with his keys, he smiled to himself.


	8. Chapter 8

In the coming months, y/n slipped easily into Ethan’s life. He learned very quickly that there was no predicting what she did or said. A few days after the hiking trip, she texted him asking if he liked Vietnamese food. He’d told her he wasn’t picky, and thirty minutes later she’d shown up carrying three bags of takeout. Kathryn had answered the door, moderately confused, but she’d just introduced herself as ‘y/n, Ethan’s girlfriend,’ then offered Kathryn some of the food. When his hair grew long enough that it started to fall into his eyes, she led him to the kitchen and ordered him to lay down on the counter and put his head in the sink. He did, and she’d washed and trimmed his hair.

“You seem like you know what you’re doing.” He’d said.

“I do. My mama was a hairdresser, and I’ve cut hair before.”

For his birthday, she had worked with Mark, Amy, and Kathryn to surprise him. They’d done the stereotypical thing where they hid under furniture and jumped out at him when he opened the door, filming the whole thing. She’d baked him a cake from scratch. That was also her first appearance on his channel. On the day Unus Annus ended, he drove to her house, and as soon as he walked in she opened her arms. 

“I don’t know why I’m like this. We knew it was going to end, and this just means that I can put my focus into something new. But that was… a year of our lives. And we did so much stuff. I met you in that year! And now all of it’s just gone.”

“The year isn’t gone. You’ll have memories of it, and I wasn’t planning on going anywhere, so you’ve still got me too.”

He took a deep breath, then straightened. “You’re right. Now, I need some fun, so let’s watch Grey’s Anatomy while you get annoyed by all the stupidity and medical inaccuracies.” 

That night, they did indeed watch Grey’s Anatomy, and they ate homemade macaroni and cheese. He fell asleep happy.

The next morning, Ethan woke up to his phone buzzing on the nightstand. Y/n seemed to have already gone downstairs, and he could hear the faint sound of a violin coming from the music room. When he unlocked his phone, he saw a text from Amy. 

_ Amy: has y/n said when her birthday is? _

Ethan: not to me

_ Amy: well its a month from yours _

_ Amy: she always says she doesn't want anything but i think we should do something anyways _

Ethan: ok i’ll try to think of some ideas

He turned off his phone and went downstairs. The violin music had since stopped, and when he walked by the music room Ethan saw her silently gesturing at whoever was on the call. He wasn’t even surprised anymore because of  _ course  _ she would know sign language. When she got off the call she turned to him.

“I’m not teaching a future Beethoven or anything,” she said, “the girl’s mama is Deaf. Sorry for jumping out of bed so early, I’ll make sure to give you a heads up next time.”

“It’s fine.”

“Do you want some breakfast? That was my first lesson for the day and I haven’t eaten yet.” 

“Sure. I’ll help.”

Ethan put a frying pan on the stove while she cracked eggs into a bowl. 

“What are you planning on doing today?” She asked. 

“I don’t know. Mark and I thought we each needed to take a week off after Unus Annus ended, but I hadn’t really thought about what to do during that time.” 

Y/n silently searched through her spices before speaking up. “Have you ever been surfing?” 

“No, I used to skateboard a lot as a kid though, and I can swim.”

“Well then you’re fixing to learn. I don’t have that many lessons since it’s getting close to Thanksgiving, and I only had the one today. I’ve got a couple extra boards, and I know a good spot that shouldn’t be too crowded.” She shook some salt and pepper into the eggs, then poured them in the pan and started to scramble them. 

“Don’t you do that before you put them in?”

“ _ I  _ don’t. Maybe you do.”

They finished making breakfast, and after they ate y/n changed into a bathing suit and put a dress on over it. She got the boards out of the garage, then they went by Ethan’s apartment to get his stuff. He was expecting the beach to be crowded when they got there, but the spot that she found was mostly empty with the exception of one other surfer in the water.

“Why is no one here?” He asked.

“Because it can get a little rough over here sometimes. But the waves are usually good, and if you can swim then you’ll be fine.” 

“Okay.” 

She bent down, drew the rough shape of a surfboard, and showed him where to stand and what to do when he caught a wave. Then she pulled off her dress and fastened the leash on her board to her ankle. 

“What do I do if I fall?” He asked.

“Try not to fall in front of your board, spread out your arms and try to land on your back. Get a good breath, and once you’re under, put your arms over your head. Try to look and see where your board is before you come back up. I think we should start around chest-deep, so you shouldn’t need to worry too much about wiping out.”   
“You want me to open my eyes?”

“Unless you can see through your eyelids. It only stings for a second. Let’s go.” 

She started to walk towards the water, and he followed. 

“When you’re paddling out, if there’s a wave that looks like it’s gonna break and you don’t want to catch it, push down as hard as you can on your nose and swim under it. You’ll see, it’s a little like skateboarding, just bigger and wet.”    
When they got out far enough, the other surfer who was already in the water paddled over to them. 

“Hey baby,” he said, “why don’t you let me show you how to handle that board?”

She didn’t miss a beat. “Hi, I’m Sunny. This is my boyfriend, Ethan. You know, someone said the same thing to me when I was out at Maverick’s.” 

She gave him a cheery smile, and he deflated, paddling back over to where he had been. Ethan laughed. “Did you actually surf Maverick’s?”

“Yeah, the set was pretty small that day though. Not that he needed to know that.” 

They sat for another minute before she spoke again.

“Here’s another set coming. Get ready to start paddling.” 

He missed the first wave and wiped out on the second, but he caught the third one. When he paddled back out, y/n gave him a high-five. 

“That was good! Now reset and do it again.”

He did, and he only fell one other time. When they finished, they decided to look for something to eat. They drove to a part of the city Ethan had never been to, and stopped at a small Indian restaurant. When they walked inside they were greeted by an older woman wearing a hijab who showed them to a table. They both ordered chicken tikka masala, and while they ate Ethan asked her about making an official appearance on his channel. 

“I want to tell my audience about us,” he said, “but only if you’re a hundred percent ok with it. I won’t even mention you if you don’t want me to.”

‘’No, you can tell them. I’m fine with it.”

“Do you care how I do it?”

“It’s your channel, you can do whatever you want.”

“Are you sure? I just don’t want to post anything that you’re not comfortable with.”

“It’s fine, really. I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t ok with it.”

Later that day, Ethan texted Amy. 

Ethan: i know what to do for sunnys birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to say thank you to everyone reading, because when I woke up to post this there were almost a thousand hits, which is crazy to me. Y'all are cool.


	9. Chapter 9

Ethan spent the rest of his week off staying at y/n’s house, and during that time he learned a few things. 

One; she slept with her arms crossed over her chest, as if she was trying to hold on to something, and sometimes she’d move around in the middle of the night and end up with her head on his chest and her arms around his waist. 

Two; she always had something ready in the kitchen, be it homemade spaghetti, butterscotch pie, fried chicken, or something else, and everything she made was good. 

Three; it never seemed to be completely silent. Her home was always filled with the best kind of noise, like her music, her footsteps, or the sound of her knitting needles clicking together as she worked on her latest project, because why  _ wouldn’t  _ she know how to knit.

Four; her mind never slowed down, even while she slept. Once, Ethan woke up at three in the morning, and when he went downstairs to get a glass of water he found her at the kitchen table furiously scribbling the lyrics to a song, and she’d said she had to write it down or she would forget.

And the  _ pictures _ . He took more pictures than was normal for any person, of anything and everything. Her standing over a boiling pot, tuning a guitar, playing her violin, and one from an awkward angle of her kissing him on the cheek. 

That weekend, he finally went home, and it was straight back into making videos. He only talked to her live once, over FaceTime. On her birthday, Ethan drove to Mark’s house, where he, Mark, and Amy started making her dinner. Mark fried chicken while Ethan and Amy made a cake. 

“I sent you our stuff for her present,” Amy said, “did you get it?”

“Yeah, I put everything together and got it set up before I came over here.”

When things were almost ready, Ethan headed towards the door.

“I’m gonna go pick her up now.” He said. 

When he got to y/n’s house, he insisted on blindfolding her while they drove. He led her through the door and pulled off the blindfold when they were in the dining room. Mark and Amy stood wearing party hats next to the table full of food, and her face broke into a grin. 

“Happy birthday!” They chorused.

“Y’all didn’t have to do all this! Thank you!” 

She kissed Ethan, then gave Mark and Amy each a hug. 

“Let’s eat,” said Mark. 

They sat down and ate, finishing almost everything that they made, then Amy stood and brought in the cake, which they did somehow manage to finish. He and y/n stayed for a while, then they drove back to her house. 

They sat on the couch watching a movie, and her phone started going crazy on the coffee table. She picked it up.

“It’s a bunch of Twitter notifications.” She said, confused.

She opened it, and most of them were links to a video. When she clicked it, it brought her to a video on Ethan’s channel. 

It started with Mark talking. “Hi, y/n. I just wanted to say that in the few months I’ve known you so far, I’ve discovered that you are not only very talented, but also very good-hearted. I’m glad we kept in touch after we did the Unus Annus video, because talking to you has been great. I hope you have a fucking awesome day. Happy birthday.”

The next clip was of Amy. “Hey y/n! I’m really happy you decided to stay in LA, and that we’ve been able to be close recently. In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve been so kind to me and everyone else, and you are a genuinely good person. You have this way of making everyone feel valued, and that’s awesome. Happy birthday!”

Lastly, it cut to a clip of Ethan, but it wasn’t just his face. Pictures came up on screen as he spoke. Pictures of her standing over a boiling pot, tuning a guitar, playing her violin, and one from an awkward angle of her kissing him on the cheek.

“Hey y/n. I want you to know that even though this year has been crazy, meeting you was a bright spot. I’m still not sure how I got you to go out with me, but you did and I’m so glad. You’re a beautiful person in more ways than one. You have this happiness that spreads to anybody you’re around, and it seems like places invent themselves just for you. I’m looking forward to having more adventures with you soon. Happy birthday.” 

With that, the video faded to black. She sat with a shocked smile on her face. When she finally looked up, she seemed to be at a loss for words. 

“You did all that?” She asked.

“Mark and Amy helped.” 

Rather than responding, she hugged him. They stayed in that position for probably five minutes, because neither one of them could bring themselves to move. 

“You should probably turn off notifications for your socials.” He said.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to do that for a while, but I guess now I need to actually do it.” 

He finally moved when their phones both vibrated at the exact same time. He picked his up and saw a news alert. When he opened it, his mouth fell open. 

“What is it?” Asked y/n.

“They… they lifted the stay at home order. Places are supposed to start opening back up.” 

“Really?! That’s great!” 

They sat in silence for a moment before she spoke again.

“Did you have any plans for Thanksgiving?”

“No.”

“I could have it here,” She said. “ Mark and Amy could come over, Kathryn could come if she wanted to, and I’ll do the cooking.”

“Sure.”

“Ok, I’ll text Mark and Amy, and you can ask Kathryn.”

“Alright. I think I’m gonna go home tonight, so I’ll ask her while I’m there.”

“Ok,” she agreed.

The next day, Ethan woke up to a text from y/n.

_ Sunny: If you come over today, just let yourself in, i’m leaving the door unlocked bc ill be in the kitchen _

Ethan: ok

He worked until around noon, then drove over to her house. As soon as he opened the door, he could smell things coming from the kitchen. When he made his way down the hall, he could see that she was standing at the counter kneading dough, while singing quietly to music playing from her phone. She looked up when she saw him in the doorway, and he noticed a spot of flour on her face.

“Hold still.” He said. 

She froze, and he wiped it off.

“You wanna help?” She asked.

He nodded, and after he washed his hands she gestured at the dough. “Knead.”

He took up her place standing in front of the counter while she started pulling things out of the cabinets. 

“What did Kathryn say?” She asked.

“She said she’d be happy to come.”

“Great. I already called Amy and Mark. He’s going to bring Tyler.” 

“That’s good.” 

She spent the rest of the day in the kitchen, and by the time she was done, almost everything was ready. The next morning, she warmed up anything that needed it, and all the food was already on the table by the time everyone got there. When they sat down and were about to eat, Ethan spoke up.

“Don’t you like, go around the table and say what you’re thankful for?”

“My parents made us do that. I wasn’t planning on it but if you want to say it, you can.”

They did end up going around the table, then they stuffed themselves full of turkey, stuffing, homemade bread, and ambrosia. After they got the dishes washed, they ended up scattered across the living room. A wave of contentment washed over him as y/n sleepily cuddled up to him, and he slipped into happy dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... we've passed 4 digits as far as hits go. Which means that even if they hated it, over 1000 people have seen this thing that I made, and know it exists, which I was absolutely not expecting to happen. So, even if you DO hate this, thanks.


	10. Chapter 10

The end of fall came and went, and time seemed to be moving at warp speed. Ethan’s channel continued to grow, and y/n amassed a following of her own. They spent all the time they could with each other, even if it was just her sitting on the floor of his recording room with Spencer while Ethan streamed, or him listening in on her lessons. Then, before he knew it, Christmas was upon them. 

Since quarantine was over, his plan was to go home to Maine and visit his family. 

“What are you going to do on Christmas?” He asked her.

“Work, probably. Maybe I’ll go to church.”

“I didn’t know you were religious.”

“Yeah, Southern Baptist.”

“Aren’t most of them weird about… like atheists and premarital sex and stuff?”

“Some of them are. Why?”

“Well, I mean, we’ve- uh… and I’m an atheist.”

“The only person allowed to have a problem with what I do in my own time is God, and I don’t know anybody who’s talked to him, so as far as I’m concerned they can shove it. And you can believe what you want to believe. Nobody living really knows what happens when you die, and we could both be wrong.”

“You’re surprisingly chill about this.”

“Well, it’s not my place to tell anybody how to be.” 

“Ok, so go back. You said you were going to  _ work  _ on Christmas?”

“Yeah, I’ll probably get some recording done, and I have students who don’t celebrate Christmas whose lessons I could move to then.”

“No you won’t. I know you don’t want to go home to your family, which from what you’ve told me is understandable, but you shouldn’t have to spend Christmas working either. I want you to come to Maine with me.” 

She looked surprised. “Really?”

“Yes really. Both of my parents would love to meet you, and it’ll be a lot of fun.”

She smiled. “Ok.”

Three days later, they sat in LAX drinking subpar coffee waiting for a six AM flight. Y/n was anxiously tapping one finger against the armrest of her chair.

“Y/n,” said Ethan, “you don’t have anything to be nervous about. You know I love you, and they will too.” As soon as the words were out, a pit formed in his stomach because they’d never said it before. 

But she just took his hand and said “I love you too.”

Eight hours later, they climbed out of a taxi and were greeted by Ethan’s dad. He pulled Ethan in for a hug, then did the same to y/n, who looked surprised but not bothered by it. 

“Dad, this is y/n.” Said Ethan. 

“It’s great to finally meet you after hearing so much from Ethan.” His dad said.

“You too, sir.” She dipped her head. 

Their plan was to drop off their things, then spend Christmas Eve with Ethan’s mom. They went inside and put their bags down in the room they’d be staying in, and while y/n changed into warmer clothes, Ethan stood in the kitchen. 

“She seems... nice.” Said his dad. 

“You sound skeptical.”

“She’s very polite. Formal.”

“She’s nervous. She’ll relax when she sees she doesn’t have anything to worry about.” 

They stood in silence for a few moments before y/n came out of the bedroom. 

“Are you ready?” He asked.

She nodded. 

“Ok, let’s go. See you later, Dad.”

The welcome they received from Ethan’s mom was just as warm as the first. 

She gave Ethan a hug and said “Hi Sweeb!” 

Y/n smirked and gave him a look, but was prevented from saying anything by being hugged yet again. 

“Y/n, this is my mom.” He said.

Y/n held out a hand. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

Inside, his mom gestured towards the couch, and they all sat down.

“The food is almost ready.” She said. 

While she was in the kitchen, Ethan reached over and gave y/n’s hand a reassuring squeeze. 

“It’s ok,” he said softly, “you don’t need to be nervous. You can relax.”

Y/n slid closer to him on the couch. “Sorry,” she whispered, “just… the last time I did this I had to leave somebody at the altar.” 

He squeezed her hand again, and around that time his mom called them into the dining room. When they sat down, she was full of questions for y/n. 

“I noticed your accent. Where are you from?”

“I’m from North Carolina.”

“And what do you do?” 

“Well I have a degree in music therapy, but right now I’m teaching lessons.”

“Oh, how interesting!” 

As the meal went on, she seemed to loosen up. As they were leaving, Ethan’s mom stopped him by the door. At first she said nothing and just smiled.

“What do you think?” He asked.

“I like her,” she said, “can we keep her?”

He laughed. “We’ll see.”

“Well, the two of you are welcome any time you want to come visit.”

With one final hug, they left. 

On Christmas day, Andrew came over. Y/n seemed to be more at ease than before. After they ate, they all sang Christmas songs with her and Andrew taking turns on a guitar that was laying around. The next day while she was packing, Ethan again stood in the kitchen with his dad. 

“Does she make you happy?” His dad asked.

“Yes, so much.”

“Good.” 

“See, I told you you’d be fine.” Said Ethan as they waited for their plane to take off. “My mom especially loves you. You can tell her if she’s asking too many questions, by the way.”

“No, she was just fine. Everyone I met was nice.” 

“Did you have a good time?”

“I did. But now, back to reality.”

“Back to reality.” He agreed. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter contains grief and the death of a minor character, so if you don't think you're in the right headspace to read about that, obviously feel free to sit this one out. This chapter is deeply personal in nature, so I understand.

The next few months were boring in the best kind of way. They fell into a rhythm; they would stay at each other’s houses whenever possible, and on the days that they couldn’t they would FaceTime if only for a few minutes. She made regular appearances in videos, whether it be to bring him food and drinks or just a comment made from where she was sitting off-camera, and he occasionally would sing with her on her own channel. Winter flew by, then broke and gave way to early spring, not that you could tell the difference in LA.

It was on one of those early spring days, that their rhythm faltered. They were on the couch watching a movie when the house phone in the hall rang. She ignored it the first time, but when it rang twice more, she paused the movie and went to answer it. Ethan heard anger creep into her voice when she picked up the phone.

“Dammit, Shep, I told you not to call here any-” 

Whatever was said on the other end of the line, it made her stop dead in her tracks. 

“How bad?” She asked.

There was a short pause.

“ _ Fuck.  _ Give me an hour to get there, I’ll call you when I figure everything out.” With that, she slammed the phone down on the receiver and started up the stairs. Ethan hurried to catch up.

“Y/n, what are you doing? You’re scaring me.”

“It’s Mama. She’s sick. I have to go.” She was putting things in a backpack.

“Sick with what?”

“Cancer. Has been for years.”

“Don’t you need clothes?”

She snapped, and when she did, Ethan flinched.  _ “What is this, the Spanish Inquisition!?” _

He stood silently, and some of the vigor left her.

“Sorry, I just… I just need to go.”

“Alright, give me a bag.”

Her head whipped towards him. “What?” 

“You’re not going by yourself. Give me a bag so I can pack some clothes.” 

“No. I’ll get it taken care of, just grab whatever you came here with.” 

He did, and when she moved towards the driver’s side of the car, he stopped her. 

“You’re not driving in this state. Text whoever you need to to get your stuff taken care of.” 

Her hands shook as she typed out the messages on her phone, and he was pretty sure he set a record for getting through traffic. In the airport, he sent a quick text to Mark, Amy, and Kathryn to let them know what was happening. They each responded saying they would take care of everything.

As y/n walked away from the desk holding tickets, she dialed what he assumed was Shep’s number. 

“Hey,” she said, “We’re at Burbank now, the closest flight they had was to Charlotte-Douglas. I need you to get me a car and some clothes for Ethan. I have things in my old closet. We’ll be there in about seven hours.” She hung up the phone without giving him a chance to answer. 

Ethan managed to convince y/n to sleep a few hours on the plane, and he thought it helped because she seemed calmer when they landed. He watched as she took a breath and seemed to steel herself before smoothing out her clothes, standing up, and walking off the plane. Shep had worked out getting a rental car, which they found and she got behind the wheel of, ignoring Ethan’s protest. 

“We’d just have to switch later anyways.” 

The drive went by in silence. He looked out the window and watched the scenery change from the trees and occasional farmland of the piedmont to the peaks and valleys of the Appalachian Mountains. The road went from asphalt to gravel to dirt, then narrowed down to a single lane that wound through trees and sometimes was only a foot shy of the falling side of a mountain. Eventually, she turned and went down a hill so steep the road disappeared from view. After everything leveled out and Ethan’s balls descended from when they’d seemingly shot up to his throat, she stopped. He looked up and saw a house that was different from what he’d expected. It was huge and made of logs, with large A-frame windows. 

“Welcome to Carmichael Holler.” She said.

Y/n got out of the car. With each step she took, she seemed to revert back into a person who Ethan didn’t know. She was stiffer than usual, and every movement that she made was deliberate and calculated. They made their way up to the porch, and she gave two loud raps on the solid door before stepping back and folding her hands in front of her. 

Shep answered the door, and he was different too. When Ethan had seen him before, his eyes had glinted with something barely restrained. Now, they were dull, and his movements were almost robotic.

“Welcome home,” he said, not sounding very welcoming at all.

“Thank you.” Said y/n, voice nearly devoid of emotion. 

She stepped inside, not checking to see if Ethan followed. Shep’s eyes narrowed when they met his, and he seemed able to find the personality to turn to y/n and speak up. 

“I see you brought Stringbean with you.” 

She stood silently. 

“You can show him to the room two doors down from yours.”

For a second, she looked as if she might protest, but Ethan shook his head. She gestured for him to follow, and when they were out of earshot, he spoke. 

“He’s looking for reasons not to like me, and I’m not trying to give him one five minutes after we got here.” 

He was expecting her to hold her ground, but instead she said, “Alright,” and pointed to a door. “Press the button on the nightstand if you need something. We’ll leave at eight tomorrow morning for the hospital, so be down before then unless you want to walk.” 

With that, she disappeared into the room two doors down the hall.

The next morning, Ethan woke up at seven thirty and got dressed. There were clothes already in the closet, mostly jeans and flannel shirts. He grabbed a coat as an afterthought, then left the room. When he went downstairs, Shep was already there. Ethan said nothing, hoping to avoid any conflict. 

“You a Baptist, Stringbean?”

“No.”

Shep swore under his breath. “If she picked a damn Methodist-” he took a breath. “What are you, then?”

“I’m an atheist.”

Before Shep could respond, they were interrupted by y/n coming down the stairs. She wore a dress like usual, but it wasn’t anything close to the light, free-flowing dresses she wore in LA. It was a muted gray color, made of some kind of heavy fabric that hung a few inches below her knees. Draped over one arm was a long, black coat that looked like wool, which she put on. Ethan shrugged on his own coat, and they headed out to their separate cars. 

“Are you ok?” He asked as she turned the key. 

“Yes.” 

Anyone who didn’t know her might have believed her, but Ethan knew better. He decided to drop it for now. They pulled up to a small hospital, and when they walked inside, the man Ethan assumed was her dad was waiting for them. There was no hug when she saw him, she just dipped her head in acknowledgement. 

“Daddy, this is Ethan.” She said. 

He shook Ethan’s hand, then turned and led them to the third floor. They all squeezed into one room around the bed. The woman in the bed looked frail, with thin gray hair and eyes like y/n’s. She had a nasal cannula, and when she spoke, her voice was hoarse. 

“Hi, Baby.” She said. 

Y/n took her hand. “Hello, Mama.”

“I’m glad you came back.”

“I know, Mama.”

“Who else is here, Baby?” 

She motioned for Ethan to come to her side. “This is Ethan, Mama.”

“That’s nice.” She laid her head back against the pillow. 

Y/n sat down in the chair beside the bed, and her father stayed standing in the corner. 

“We don’t need to be in here right now, Stringbean.” Said Shep. 

There was a small waiting area near the nurse’s station, so they each sat down there. 

“I’m gonna be straight with you. I don’t like you one bit. You’re not a Christian, and you sound like a damn Yankee. You’re no good for her, and in a different situation I would have already whooped your ass, but I don’t think now’s the time for that. So you get one warning. Behave.”

A few moments later, y/n came out of the room and stood in front of them. She stared at the wall, looking in their direction but not meeting their eyes. 

“I’m going down to the chapel.” She said, walking away. 

After a few more minutes of silence, her father came out of the room too.

“She wants to talk to you.” He looked at Ethan and pointed towards the room. 

Confused, Ethan entered, then sat down in one of the chairs. 

“Don’t mind Shep.” Said y/n’s mother.

Ethan stayed quiet, and she coughed violently a few times before continuing.

“He loves her. He’s trying to protect her, in his own way. Of course, we were all sad when she left, but Shep took it the hardest of any of us. His wife said he stayed locked up in his room with the vapours for days.” She coughed again, and wiped the back of her hand across her mouth. It came away with a small streak of blood. 

“I think you love her too. And I’m glad I got to meet you at least once. You know, about once a month, we call her. She’s always a little angry when she answers, but she simmers down after a few minutes. And that last time we called her, she was so happy. She didn’t say it, but a mama knows. I never heard her sound like that in all the time she lived here, not even when she was engaged.” 

She coughed again, and he handed her a tissue. 

“I know I’m liable to leave here in a box, so I’m glad she has you. She might tell you she’s fine, and she might seem like it, but she’s not, and she’ll break eventually. When she does, make sure you’re there, because she’s not the type to cry alone.” She was wracked with another wave of hacking coughs, and it took her almost a minute to get her breath back. When she spoke again, her eyes were glassy.

“Does she still sleep with her arms across her chest?” She asked.

“Like she’s holding something.” He said softly. 

“Thank you.” She whispered. 

When he left the room, y/n and Shep were sitting in the waiting area. Y/n stood and went back into the room, and her father followed. After an hour Ethan stood.

“Where the hell are you going?” Shep asked.

“For a walk.” Ethan said. 

He started in one direction and eventually ended up downstairs by the chapel. He took a breath and stepped inside. 

The floor was carpeted, and there were a few wood benches with an aisle leading up to the pulpit. It was dimly lit with candles and some natural light from the stained glass window. 

Tentatively, he sat down on one of the benches. He knew that people folded their hands when they prayed, so he did. Unsure of what to do, he spoke in his head.

_ “I’m going to be honest; I feel like an idiot right now. I don’t believe there’s anything up there, but I know Sunny does, and I know this is going to be rough on her, so… if I’m wrong and someone is hearing this, she’s gonna need help that I won’ t know how to give her.”  _

Ethan heard the bench creak beside him, then Shep. “I thought you was an atheist.”

“I am.” 

“Then why are you in here?”

“For y/n.”

Some of the anger seemed to drain out of him. “Yeah,” he sighed, “me too.”

There was a pause before he spoke again.

“I feel like I oughta apologize to you. Step nine and all that. I can tell you don’t wanna do nothing to hurt her, and even if I don’t agree with you, it’s nobody’s business but yours. And… I’m off the drugs. I don’t know how much she’s told you about that, but I used to be messed up pretty bad. I’m sixty-three days.” 

Ethan nodded, and after a while they stood and walked back upstairs. Y/n was sitting in the same spot by the bed, and Shep walked into the room too. Ethan hung back, and a few minutes later he saw the line on the heart monitor go flat. 

No one spoke except the doctor, and eventually they all walked out of the room. In the car, she was silent. 

“How are you doing?” Ethan asked.

“I’m fine.” She said flatly. 

He opened his mouth, but she shot him a glare, so he decided against saying something. 

The funeral was the next day. It was a small service, and y/n gave the eulogy. Her voice never wavered, and she stood tall as she spoke. 

Shep shook with sobs as the casket was lowered, and much to Ethan’s surprise she laid a hand on his shoulder. As they were leaving the house for the airport after the burial, he saw Shep press his sixty day token into her hand. 

“Take care, Baby Sis.” He said. 

She gave him a firm handshake, and they left to catch their flight, leaving Ethan to wonder what the hell he’d just witnessed. 

When they returned to LA, y/n threw herself into her work with an unseen vigor, when she wasn’t teaching, she was recording. After four days, she lost her voice, but she kept going until it was reduced to a hoarse whisper. 

“You have to stop,” Ethan said, “you need a break.” 

“Fine,” she croaked, “then I’m going to the gun range.” 

Before he could protest, she grabbed her bag and stalked out the door. 

Ethan pulled out his phone and called a familiar number, hoping for an answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mika, I need your help.”

“Oh. With what?”

“Are you sitting down?”


	12. Chapter 12

Ethan waited anxiously as the minutes ticked by. Mika had agreed to talk to y/n since she could empathize. After what felt like an eternity, he heard her pull into the driveway. She was completely silent for the rest of the day, and Ethan worried he might have to call Mika back. But that night, when they were in bed, she started to shake. He put his arms around her, and she made a noise somewhere between a sob and a scream. She tried to pull away, but he held her as tight as he could until eventually she stopped struggling and let herself be comforted. 

The next morning, y/n left shortly after Ethan woke up, saying that there was something she wanted to do, but that she would be back. After a few minutes later, he got a call from Mika. Confused, he picked up.

“Mika?”

“Where are you?”

“Huh?”

“Where are you? We’re going to have lunch. Mark is with y/n, and you probably need to talk to someone."

“I’m at her house.”

“Ok, well, text me the address. I’m bringing pizza.” 

An hour later, Mika showed up with pizza as promised. They sat silently at the kitchen table before she spoke. 

“She’s going to be ok. It’ll only get easier from here. You just need to let her process everything and deal with it how she needs to.”

“I know, I just feel fucking useless. I’ve obviously had encounters with death, but I’ve never dealt with it like this, so I have no clue how she’s feeling or what she needs from me.”

“You’re not useless, you’re doing exactly what you should be. You don’t have to understand exactly how she feels, you just have to keep doing what you’re doing now.”

“Which is?”

“Be there, when she needs you. You’ve already avoided two of the worst mistakes, which are acting like you know what she’s going through when you don’t, and trying to rush her and make things just go back to normal.”

“Can I ask what was said yesterday?”

“I told her that I had lost my mom, and that she had people around her who cared about her whenever she was ready to talk. She didn’t say anything back, but I’m guessing she’s doing at least a little better since yesterday.”

“Yeah, I think she is too.”

After Mika had left, y/n came home with Mark following.

“Hey,” said Ethan, “what did you do today?” 

She stuck out a forearm. “I got this.”

On her skin was a tattoo, of a set of words that were vaguely familiar, and two dates. 

‘Someday when we meet up yonder, we’ll stroll hand in hand again

In a land that knows no parting, blue eyes crying in the rain.’ 

The numbers below read ‘1970-2020.’

“Mama loved that song. So does Daddy. He got drunk once and told me he wanted me to play it at his funeral.”

When Ethan looked over her shoulder at Mark, he saw that he’d gotten his dad’s tattoo on his upper arm. 

She turned to Mark and said, “thank you,” and he was gone, leaving them standing alone in the foyer.

Ethan shifted his weight from foot to foot, unsure of what to do. When he didn’t say anything, y/n trudged towards the stairs. Seeing the slump of her shoulders and the resignation in her face was like a stab to the heart, so he spoke up. 

“I’ve never had to do this for anyone before, so I don’t know what you need. And of course I’ll do anything I can for you, but you have to tell me so I can help.” 

She stopped and sat down on one of the stairs. He sat next to her.

“Is it ok if I touch you?” He asked.

Instead of an answer, she rested her head on his shoulder, and he put an arm around her. 

“Is there something we or I could do to help you, or do you just need to process?”

“I think I’m gonna stay here for a few more minutes. And then… then I think I’m going to call Shep. I think seeing him and the kids might make me feel a little better.”

“Alright. I’m guessing you don’t wanna cook, so I can make something if you want.” 

“Ok. Just… stay here a little longer.”

While Ethan boiled water for ramen, y/n called Shep. He picked up after two rings, and she took a breath before talking.

“Hey. I, um, I know at the funeral you said you wanted to do better. And maybe be around more. So, I was wondering if you and Darlene wanted to come visit. Maybe bring Katie and Louise? You know, make a trip out of it.”

There was a short pause, presumably as Shep asked about a date.

“Yeah. Yeah that works.”

There was another pause.

“See y’all soon. Bye Big Brother.”

A few minutes passed before her phone vibrated. She picked it up, and when she looked at it, something like watered-down excitement crossed her face.

“What is it?” Ethan asked.

“A little theater I played at a couple times just got in touch with me. Now that the numbers are down and the vaccine is coming they want me to play a socially distant show. The audience would still be masked, and they would let in less people, but I could actually play a real show.”

“Wow. Are you going to do it?”

“I’m gonna have to go down there and look at exactly how we’d do it if I did, but based on their email it seems like they have their shit together. If I’m right about that, yeah, I’d do it. And I’d have to make a few calls, but if I can get ahold of a few people I might even be able to play with a band.”

“That’s great!”

“I don’t wanna get too excited yet, because I don’t know if it’s gonna happen, but it would be nice.”

“Like a distraction?”

“I’m sure you could come up with lots of ways to distract me on your own.”    
  


An hour later, the two of them lay in bed and she rolled over to face him.

“Hey, Ethan?”

“Mm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Just… thank you.”


	13. Chapter 13

Three days later, Ethan had to go back home for a night. He recorded a quick update video and sent out a Tweet, then after taking care of a few smaller things, he returned to y/n’s house. As he got out of his car, he saw a small face in the window, and no sooner was he at the front steps than the door swung open to reveal a girl who looked about six. She had big eyes the same color as y/n’s and Shep’s, and she seemed to have written something on her arm imitating y/n’s tattoo.

“Aunt Sunny!” She called. “There’s a man out here!”

He heard footsteps, and Sunny came to the door holding a baby on her hip. She looked down at the older girl. 

“Do you think we should let him in the house?” She asked jokingly.

The girl squinted at Ethan. “Yeah. He’s got a bat shirt on, and I like bats.”

Y/n opened the door wider, and Ethan stepped inside. The baby she was holding reached up and gently poked at her nose. 

“This one’s Louise,” she said, smiling. 

The older girl stepped towards him. “My name’s Katie! Aunt Sunny’s helping us make biscuits.” 

Ethan had to smile, because she had the same Southern accent that made her drop her G’s and draw out her vowels. They walked into the kitchen, and a short, brown-haired woman was sitting at the table. Shep was on the couch watching some war documentary on History channel, and Georgia came to sit by y/n’s feet. The other woman stood up and shook his hand. 

“Hi,” she said, “I’m Shep’s wife Darlene.” 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Ethan.” He replied. 

“Is that you, Stringbean?” Shep asked, but without much vitriol. 

It was chaotic and amazing all at the same time. Y/n sat with Katie and showed her how to hold a mandolin while Shep held Louise and Darlene fell asleep next to him. After some begging from Katie, y/n took out a pocket knife and played slide guitar. The biscuits came out of the oven, and she filled bowls of chicken and dumplings from a large pot Ethan hadn’t seen. After they all ate, Louise went down for a nap, and they sat in the floor playing with Georgia, who was getting bigger. As the sky started to darken, they went back to their hotel, promising to come back tomorrow. 

“You were really good with Katie and Louise.” Ethank remarked. “Would you ever want to have kids of your own?”

She bent to pick up a dog toy. “I… well, I can’t. But if I could, I don’t suppose it’d matter either way. If it happened, of course I’d love them, and I’d be happy, but if it didn’t, I’d understand that it just wasn’t in the cards for me. Or if I had ended up with someone other than you who really wanted children, I’d adopt. I guess the way I see it is, I’m happy now, and I don’t see the need to change anything. What about you?”

“I don’t think I want any. But go back. You said you can’t have kids, but you told me you had an IUD. Why get one if you can’t get pregnant?”

“I- um… I can get pregnant. I just can’t… I can’t keep it. When I was nineteen, me and my ex-fiance… got careless. And I made it six weeks. It happened two more times after that, when I left home. I never made it to two months. I’ve seen more doctors than I have fingers, and none of them could figure out why. I even had my cervix sewn shut, which still didn’t work. But I’m not interested in doing that again.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. You didn’t know, now you do, and now we can get on with it.” 

Ethan dropped it, but he couldn’t help feeling like there was something else he should say. 

A week later, after Shep and his family had since gone home, Ethan, Mark, and Amy sat in a mid-sized theater, waiting for y/n’s show to start. She had agreed to do it after seeing the precautions. No groups larger than four had been allowed in, and there were six seats between each group. Masks were required, and temperatures were taken at the door. Amy leaned forward to see around Mark.

“This will be good. You guys will be able to hear her sing.” She said.

Ethan tilted his head. “We have heard her sing, remember?”

“Not for real, you haven’t.”

They stopped talking when the band walked onto the stage. Y/n had contacted three of her friends when she decided to do the show, and one of them sat behind the drum kit while the second picked up a bass and the third sat down at the piano. There were two other guitars, one acoustic and one electric, and her violin. Y/n walked on stage last, wearing a gold sequined crop top and skin tight black leather pants. She stepped in front of the microphone without picking up an instrument. 

“Before we get started, I’d like to say that this is the second weirdest gig I’ve ever played.”

The crowd laughed. 

“But you don’t get to know what the weirdest was.”

They laughed again, and she turned to the band.

“What did I say was first?”

One of them gave an inaudible response. 

“Hello, Rebekah. Right, that was it.” She picked up a guitar and counted them off.

The first song seemed pretty tame, and after the applause she spoke again.

“I don’t know how many of y’all have seen me play live before, so for those of you who don’t know, I don’t have a set list of songs to play, we just go with it. If there’s something you wanna hear, call it out.”

“Do Parking Lot Pirouette!” Amy yelled. 

She swapped the guitar for the violin, and they started playing.

The first verse of the song seemed fairly calm.

“I never learned the names

The space between the stars

The shapes that constellations make

The burnin' jewels suspended in air

Aquariuses everywhere.”

She sang the chorus, and even though it was simple, Ethan got goosebumps. Standing on the stage under the lights she looked tiny, but from her voice you’d have thought she was eight feet tall.

“They're everywhere

They're everywhere

They're everywhere.”

A chill ran down his spine, and Amy gave him a knowing look.

“Everywhere I looked I saw the halo'd moon through the window

And I was underneath you

I thought I'd been holdin' on too tightly

In the fallen lane of I

It doesn't last

It doesn't last

It doesn't last

Last night you walked me to my car

You said, "You won't be gettin' far before you turn around"

I did a parkin' lot pirouette

I said, "You're right, I'm not done with you yet"

Turned around

I turned around

I turned around

I turned around, the bottle fell to pieces on the floor

You laughed, said, "We should do this more"

You know I'd give every dollar in my purse

For another one of your detours

For another night

Another night

Another night

I turned around

I turned around

I turned around.”

At the end of the song, Ethan turned to Amy.

“Holy shit.”

“ _ Now  _ you’ve heard her really sing.”


End file.
